I Demand Satisfaction! A Guide to Dueling Etiquette

Haven't you ever longed for the good old days when you could settle your differences by challenging someone to a duel? While many of us have longed to "demand satisfaction" from an offending party, few of us are probably aware of the proper etiquette involved in a duel. A duel is not a primitive and macho expression of anger, but a highly-choreographed waltz between two gentlemen. In 1833, former governor of South Carolina John Lyde Wilson published a 22-page booklet on the fine art of the duel. While space prevents us from describing every rule pertaining to this lost art, here is a brief guide to proper dueling etiquette (based on Wilson's rules), should you ever find yourself in a situation which "demands satisfaction".

1. Unlike in the movies, a duel is never requested in the presence of the offending party. The offended party is supposed to return home and enlist the aid of a close personal friend to act as a second. The second is required to make an attempt to talk the offended party out of taking action. But, if this "talking down" fails, it is the duty of the second to present a letter of challenge to the offender on behalf of the aggrieved party.

2. Once the challenge has been sent, the recipient has the right to refuse the challenge if the offended party's note is rude, coarse, or vulgar. The recipient need only respond to the challenge if it is polite. Proper etiquette dictates that a week be permitted before responding to the challenge. If, after a week, the challenged agrees to the duel, he must select a second of his own who, in turn, must deliver a polite reply to the challenger's second.

3. It is the duty of the seconds to agree upon the date, time, weapons, and conditions.

4. The principals (those who are dueling), seconds, one surgeon and one assistant surgeon to each principal are the only persons permitted on the dueling grounds.

5. The arms used should be smooth-bore pistols not exceeding nine inches in length. The use of rifled barrels is strictly prohibited and the violation of this rule would be most "ungentlemanlike".

6. The proper distance between the principals is between 10 and 20 paces, with each pace consisting of a distance of three feet.

7. Wilson states: Each second informs the other when he is about to load, and invites his presence, but the seconds rarely attend on such invitation, as gentlemen may be safely trusted in the matter. The second, in presenting the pistol to his friend, should never put it in his pistol hand, but should place it in the other, which is grasped midway the barrel, with muzzle pointing in the contrary way to that which he is to fire, informing him that his pistol is loaded and ready for use. Before the word is given, the principal grasps the butt firmly in his pistol hand, and brings it round, with the muzzle downward, to the fighting position.

8. If a principal fires before the agreed upon word or time, the second principal is at liberty to fire back.

9. If neither party is hit, the duel is over. Once a principal has been hit, the duel is over- regardless of whether or not the wound is life-threatening. If neither party is hit, it is the duty of the second of the challengee to approach the second of the challenger and ask: “Our friends have exchanged shots, are you satisfied, or is there any cause why the contest should be continued?”

10. If the challenger is willing to let bygones be bygones, his second should reply: “The point of honor being settled, there can, I conceive, be no objection to a reconciliation, and I propose that our principals meet on middle ground, shake hands, and be friends.” If this be acceded to by the second of the challengee, the second of the party challenging, replies with: “We have agreed that the present duel shall cease, the honor of each of you is preserved, and you will meet on middle ground, shake hands and be reconciled.”

11. States Gov. Wilson: If the insult be of a serious character, it will be the duty of the second of the challenger, to say, in reply to the second of the challengee: “We have been deeply wronged, and if you are not disposed to repair the injury, the contest must continue.” And if the challengee offers nothing by way of reparation, the fight continues until one or the other of the principals is hit.

Now that you know the proper etiquette for dueling, you will never have to worry about feeling "ungentlemanlike" when responding to someone's demand for satisfaction!

The Hunt for the Osage River Monster

It's spring of 1844 in St. Clair County, Missouri. A mile or so from the banks of the muddy Osage River a pioneer settler named Matthew Arbuckle is plowing his field when he hears a banshee-like wail in the distance, coming from the direction of the river. Shrill and unearthly, the demonic howl fills the farmer with terror. Wasting no time, he unhitches his plow, jumps on the back of his horse and heads for the hills.

One hour later Arbuckle arrives in Papinville, a town fifteen miles from his farm. The exhausted horse is white with foam; its rider white with terror. In a gasping voice he tells of making an escape from an awful monster. Although he had not seen the beast, he had heard its voice, from which he could tell that it was a monster of immense proportions.

Those who heard Arbuckle's story were bewildered, and those who did not know the pioneer personally could tell, just by the bloodless pallor of his trembling skin, that the man was not telling a lie. Whatever terrify…

The Ticking Tombstone of Landenberg

If you look closely at a map of Pennsylvania, you'll see an anomalous semi-circular border at the extreme southeastern part of the state. This circle, known officially as the "Twelve Mile Circle", serves as the border between the Keystone State and Delaware. Much of the strange circle is surrounded by Chester County, one of the three original Pennsylvania counties created by William Penn in 1682. While there are many historical points of interest in Chester County, few are strange or as steeped in legend as the Ticking Tombstone.

Near the London Tract Meeting House in Landenberg is an old graveyard which contains a tombstone which is said to make eerie ticking noises, much like the ticking of a pocketwatch. Landenberg locals claim that the ticking is the result of two very famous surveyors who arrived in town during the 1760s- Charles Mason and Jeremiah Dixon. A young child supposedly swallowed a valuable pocketwatch owned by Mason and later died, and the boy's head…

The Incest Capital of the World?

At the far eastern edge of Kentucky, nestled in Appalachia, resides Letcher County. In spite of its isolation and poverty (approximately 30% of the county's population lives below the poverty line), Letcher County has managed to grow at an impressive rate, from a population of just 9,172 in 1900 to a present-day population of nearly 25,000. However, even if Letcher County tripled or quadrupled its present population, there's still a pretty good chance that virtually all of the county's inhabitants would be related to each other-- thanks to one particularly fertile family whose astounding rate of reproduction can put even the friskiest rabbit to shame.

Around the year 1900, Letcher County was the home of a man by the name of Jason L. Webb, who made national headlines for having the one of the largest families in the world. According to newspaper reports of the era, Jason had 19 children, 175 grandchildren, and 100 great-grandchildren. Perhaps even more impressive was his b…

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